Observations after a day of decorating

• Trying to wipe up spilt plaster with a wet cloth merely results in the floor being plastered.
• No matter how many times you uncoil and straighten the underfloor heating wire, it ties itself in a knot as soon as your back is turned.
• Builders never phone back.
• Living 20 miles from B&Q ensures you will always run out of something.
• Even in a room that is less than five square metres, there are still an infinite number of places to lose your pencil.
• There is no such thing as a five minute job.
• There is always someone on hand to tell you how to do something… after you have already done it a different way.