Appearances can be deceptive twice

As part of the preparatory works for our house extension. we had our gas meter moved today.

A gang of five workmen turned up and proceeded to dig up my driveway. When i went to make a coffee I heard them having an intense debate as they worked. In a display of complete snobbery, I assumed they were discussing the weekend football or the like. As I tuned in to their conversation though, I realised they were in the midst of a newsnight style debate on the crisis in Georgia !

One of them was explaining that Medvedev was a puppet while another was claiming self defence on the part of Russia. Anyway, they moved on from geopolitics to finish the job and tidied everything up really well - not a common experience with the work we have had done so far.

So that was me put in my place. Or so I thought until our neighbours came round to announce they had no gas. Our intellectual workmen had managed to cut through the wrong pipe.....

political cycling

There is a time in the political cycle where governments can do no right. Labour are surely at that point – both in Scotland and the UK.

The debate over David Miliband’s true intentions when he penned a Guardian article ostensibly calling for Labour to pull itself together is a case in point. Every word is now analysed for signs of (dis)loyalty and the pace of 24 hour news means that any utterance is immediately assessed by teams of political pundits. Before anyone has the chance to even read the original article, it has already been pulled apart and its content pigeon-holed as pro or anti Mr Brown.

Not that I have any sympathy for Number 10s most dithering occupant since Neville Chamberlain. It does though provide a fascinating real life example of how the media operates and public opinion fluctuates. As you trace a popularity line from Blair’s landslide to Glasgow East, you see a marked dip with the invasion of Iraq but also a crystal clear indication that the media set you up, then knock you down. There is a warning in there for Alex Salmond as the Scottish political nibs clamour to proclaim him “quite good actually”.

I feel my age now as I remember the predictions of Tory wipeout and their elimination from British politics. Yet now we discuss Cameron as a credible alternative PM. William Hague was probably just as credible, but it wasn’t the right time in the cycle for him. Perhaps, though, with David Cameron having his bike stolen this week, now is not the time to mention cycles to him either.

Value for money

I was at the dental hospital on Tuesday to have a wisdom tooth removed. On arrival, I was "persuaded" to have the top tooth removed as well as it was likely to cause problems when the lower one was removed. Part of the persuasion was that it would be free at the dental hospital but I'd have to pay if I went back to get it done at my own dentist. A kind of BOGOF deal from the NHS....

However, the whole procedure took so long that by the time we got out, we had a parking ticket. Funnily enough, about the cost of a tooth removal at my dentist.

Still, I can now join the club that have horrible dental stories to tell whenever wisdom teeth are mentioned. I discovered the existence of this club when I started telling people that i was taking a couple of days off to get the tooth removed. Members are easily spotted by the way they screw up their faces like a mechanic telling you your brakes are shot, before proceeding to regale you with stories of blood, pain and general discomfort.

Observations after a day of decorating

• Trying to wipe up spilt plaster with a wet cloth merely results in the floor being plastered.
• No matter how many times you uncoil and straighten the underfloor heating wire, it ties itself in a knot as soon as your back is turned.
• Builders never phone back.
• Living 20 miles from B&Q ensures you will always run out of something.
• Even in a room that is less than five square metres, there are still an infinite number of places to lose your pencil.
• There is no such thing as a five minute job.
• There is always someone on hand to tell you how to do something… after you have already done it a different way.

sales and marketing

With some work planned on the house, we have been speaking to trades and salespeople. And what an experience it can be.

Two gentlemen visited us yesterday. The first, an electrician, was an older chap who told us that he chose who he worked with and when he worked. Before he drove off in his BMW, we were delighted that he had "selected" us as potential clients and were looking forward to paying his substantial bill when he completes the work. This strange role reversal still makes no sense to me.

Our second visitor was a cliche of a double glazing salesman who spent a long time telling us how brilliant the company was but demonstrated a distinct lack of understanding of finance. After offering a credit deal we asked what the APR would be. At first he maintained that there was no APR unless we missed a payment. On pointing out the"typical APR 22.9%" footnote on a leaflet,he patiently explained to me that of course there was interest but no APR. Apparently, the loan was so flexible that he "didn't think anyone" could work out the APR. Certainly not him anyway. I began to wish for a set of Rogue Trader style hidden cameras.

After much explanation of just how wrong he was, he eventually departed and, in another role reversal, he couldn't wait to get away. Must surely be a first for a double glazing salesman.

Not what the doctor ordered

Mike Tyson has offered to provide "counselling and support" to Paul Gascoigne as he battles his various personal demons.

I kind of feel that's like asking Darth Vader to advise on childcare.

That's it... I quit

The Dalai Lama apparently threatened to resign in protest at the growing violence in Tibet and China's claims that he was orchestrating the protests.

I'm no theological expert but I thought he was a re-incarnation of the Buddha ? something that surely means you can't just stick your resignation note in the boss' in-tray and start claiming your pension ?

The Nobel Peace Prize he has on his mantelpiece must also be a fairly good defence against any claims that he is behind the violence.....